Ever Feel Like a Fraud?

Ever Feel Like a Fraud?

Despite years of therapy and a high degree of professional success, a client came to me a few months ago seeking help with a problem I’ve seen many times in my coaching practice. “Nancy” was plagued by feelings of low self-esteem, unworthiness, and never being good enough. Although she hid it well, the energy it took to maintain the image of someone who had it all together was exhausting her. She was also afraid that others would see through her façade and find out that she was really a fraud. Not only was this causing her a lot of stress at work, her insecurities were having a negative impact on her marriage, as she was often withdrawn and distant with her spouse.

None of us are born feeling unworthy. But many of us were raised by well-intentioned but misguided parents, whose own dysfunctions had a diminishing effect on our feelings about ourselves. Low and healthy self-esteem are by-products of the life choices we make and the results they produce in our lives. Our choices are determined by the core beliefs that we hold as truths about ourselves and the world around us, which typically become ingrained by the time we are about seven years old.

Have You had Your Smoothie Today?

Have You had Your Smoothie Today?

For many people, consuming enough of the daily recommendations of fruits and vegetables can be a challenge. Blending some servings of each into a smoothie can help you meet your body’s daily nutritional needs. Making a nutrient-rich smoothie is easier than preparing most meals, so it will not only support your health, but it can also add precious time to your day. To make a fiber-rich smoothie you’ll need a high-performance blender (I use a Vitamix), since a regular household blender doesn’t puree fruits and vegetables sufficiently. Here is the recipe for the smoothie I have had for my lunch every day for the past 20 years. Feel free to improvise, based on your preferences and needs.

Managing Up: Boss Management 101

Managing Up: Boss Management 101

A positive and mutually respectful relationship with your boss not only makes going to work more pleasant, it can have a significant impact on your job performance and career. But some managers make this very challenging. Many bosses have never learned effective managerial and leadership skills, so average to bad managers are more the norm than the exception.

In today’s world, a manager’s workload is likely to encompass one that was shared by three or four people twenty years ago. Between that and the fact that many leaders lack effective time-management skills, chances are your boss is overextended and overwhelmed. But regardless of your boss’s deficiencies, you are ultimately the one who’s responsible for your day-to-day performance and results.

Developing Greater Resilience

Developing Greater Resilience

Are you often emotionally reactive or feel chronically stressed? If so, you’re not alone. According to a 2024 survey by the American Psychological Association, 77 percent of American respondents reported experiencing significant chronic stress in their lives.

Stress is an emotional and physical reaction caused by our responses to life challenges. And while the increasing number and severity of current adversities affect us all, there is no universally accepted definition of stress and each person reacts differently. Our responses to stress vary based on our innate personality traits, experiences, circumstances, and our childhood conditioning and role models. What is overwhelming for one person may be embraced as a growth opportunity to another, while that same situation may have much less impact on someone else.

Adversity as Opportunity

Adversity as Opportunity

Dear Friends,

As we leave 2024 behind, many of us begin 2025 with trepidation or even dread.

From the view down in the weeds, things do indeed look bleak. But when I zoom out to a macroscopic perspective, I see the natural law of karma at work. Not in the punitive sense, but in accordance to the universal law of cause and effect—that individually and collectively, we are all responsible for our choices and actions. In other words, we reap what we sow.

Midlife Crisis: Misunderstood & Mistreated

Midlife Crisis: Misunderstood & Mistreated

For many people, midlife is the ultimate wake-up call. The midlife transition can begin as early as the age of 30 and as late as 60. Midlife is a time when many people find themselves stepping back and evaluating how they want to live for the rest of their lives. They’ve had the chance to build a life and reap the rewards of their endeavors. As they look toward the second half of their lives, they may find themselves asking: Who am I? What’s the meaning of my life? What do I really want?

Mind Training: The Science of Self-Empowerment

I highly recommend the new book by Ravinder Taylor and my colleague (and NY Times bestselling author), Eldon Taylor. Mind Training: The Science of Self-Empowerment is full of tips and exercises to help you uncover and eliminate self-destructive behaviors, enhance your relationships, reduce stress, and could even add years to your life! The techniques included in the book are all based on research conducted by independent scientists at prestigious universities around the world.

 If you purchase a copy of Mind Training on the 9/17/24 book launch date you’ll receive a host of bonus gifts from a variety of thought leaders and bestselling authors (including from me). To learn more or order the book and get your free additional gifts, click here https://bit.ly/MindTraining1.

Beauty is Only Skin Deep

Beauty is Only Skin Deep

The 2020 global lockdown was a catalyst for me to discontinue physical resistance to aging. I stopped getting botox and after 45 years of a nearly-daily make-up routine, I now wear it only for media work.

I spent a lifetime concerned about my looks, a legacy inherited from my southern-belle mother, who maintained a meticulous movie-star appearance right up to her death at 84.

Despite my presentational devotion, like many females who based her worth on mimicking Barbie or a Playboy Bunny, I never thought I was pretty, sexy, or desirable enough—a feeling that many females in our society are conditioned to internalize. No wonder the beauty industry generates nearly $600B per year!

The Way Out is Through

The Way Out is Through

The older I get, the more solitary a being I am. I cherish time with a small circle of friends (one of the results of a nomadic life), my dog, and close family members. And after more than 30 years, I still enjoy my work, now exclusively client sessions via Zoom.

I am a former strong extravert who thrived in the public arena, first in the entertainment industry, and since 1991 as a therapist, coach, educator, radio show host, and TV/media commentator.

For much of my life, I was what one might call a restless soul. I would never have imagined being so content in my own skin and preferring peace and simplicity to a life of continuous motion to the next aspiration and/or location.

Lauren Recommends: Huberman Lab

Lauren Recommends: Huberman Lab

I'm excited to share with you one of the best health and wellness resources I've discovered in years! The Huberman Lab is regularly ranked as the #1 health podcast in the world. Its host is Dr. Andrew Huberman, who discusses neuroscience; how our brain and its connections with the organs of our body control our perceptions, our behaviors, and our health. Dr. Huberman is a tenured professor of neurobiology and ophthalmology at Stanford School of Medicine.

"Adulting" as a Grown Up

"Adulting" as a Grown Up

Most grown-ups are children in adult bodies. They may have lived 20, 50, or 80 years but the thought, behavioral, and emotional patterns habituated in childhood continue to run their lives.

When we’re born as healthy human beings, we have the innate ability to experience the complete range of human emotions and to express ourselves fully and spontaneously. Absent is the fear of judgment or rejection, or feelings of unworthiness or shame. Then the life conditioning process begins. Our interactions with our caretakers and environment determine how we think about ourselves and others, and the behaviors that are most likely to get our needs met. As dependent little beings, our very survival relies on our adaptation to the overt and covert norms of the family system into which we are born. These patterns of thought, behavior, and emotion are continually reinforced and become habit, developing into what I call the default operating system.

Holiday Gift of Growth!

Holiday Gift of Growth!

If someone you love is going through a life transition, having relationship issues, seeking a career change, or wanting to further develop themselves personally or professionally, give them the gift of growth with an Illumineering Coaching Gift Certificate! 

ABOUT ILLUMINEERING COACHING 

When we're born, we are whole human beings with tremendous potential. Growing up, we respond to our conditioning by adopting thought and behavior patterns, some of which limit our potential. These patterns follow us into adulthood, and create our stories about ourselves, relationships, personal lives, and careers. Illumineering is a groundbreaking integration of psychology and coaching to help you create a new story—to liberate your potential and achieve the results you want.  

Responding to Unkindness

Responding to Unkindness

In a recent post on social media, I gave an example of an effective response to someone’s disrespectful or unkind communication.

The response I suggested is designed to be a respectful, Adult Ego State acknowledgement of the other person’s communication, while expressing a clear boundary of no further discussion on the matter.  

Someone commented with the question (and I’m paraphrasing) why we should even bother trying to offer an effective response in such situations, which prompted me to expand a bit on the topic.

Making efforts to communicate from the Adult Ego State serves us first and foremost (we walk through the world with less inner reactivity and stress, greater self-esteem, etc.). It also goes a long way in preserving and strengthening healthy relationships with people we love and care about. 

Stories We Tell Ourselves

Stories We Tell Ourselves

As children, we increasingly see the world through a lens shaped by our caregivers, role models, environment, and experiences. This lens influences our interpretations of what happens to and around us. Over time, these interpretations become habitual stories scripted by the unconscious mind about ourselves and the world around us. And although they're rooted in the unconscious—and most people aren't even aware they exist—they have a powerful impact on our lives. They drive our emotions, behaviors and choices, which cumulatively, result in the lives we have today.

The Legacy of Edith Mills

The Legacy of Edith Mills

If you’re lucky, as a child you had at least one person who made you feel unconditionally loved and lovable. My great Aunt Edie was one of these people for me. 

Throughout her life, Aunt Edie worked hard caring for others during the day and cleaning a large bank when it was closed at night. She single-handedly raised her own and other people’s children (my Dad included), instilling in them her gigantic, generous heart and unwavering service to others. 

A New View of Valentine's Day

A New View of Valentine's Day

Valentine’s Day is, for many singles (and conflict-ridden couples), a holiday to dread instead of one to celebrate. I experienced my own loneliness on more than one Valentine’s Day, even in my marriage. Then, when I was in my thirties, I had a revelation. I could be my own Valentine!

I know, being your own Valentine might sound like a desperate attempt to soothe the sting of single life or an unhappy partnership. I thought so, too—until I actually experienced it. The first year of becoming my own Valentine happened to be the year my divorce became final. I organized a dinner at a nice restaurant for a group consisting of singles and couples. On the invitation I wrote a request: “buy, have gift-wrapped, and bring to dinner a gift for yourself in recognition of the magnificent person you are.”

It was one of my favorite Valentine’s Day celebrations! We took turns opening our gifts and sharing what we valued and respected about ourselves. Some people were moved to tears, as they realized how often they were self-critical instead of being self-supportive.

The Art of Emotional Freedom Webinar

The Art of Emotional Freedom Webinar

Are you often run by self-depleting, reactive emotions? In this Zoom webinar, you'll learn about the origins of chronic, reactive emotions and practical tools to stop their diminishing effect on your life. Whether your emotional “addiction” is anger, depression, resentment, fear, insecurity, or some other emotional pattern, renowned coach and bestselling author of Solemate: Master the Art of Aloneness & Transform Your Life, Lauren Mackler, will help you better understand the chronic emotions limiting your life, and how to transform them to ones that create a more joyful inner and outer environment.

Give the Gift of Growth for the Holidays!

Give the Gift of Growth for the Holidays!

If someone you love is going through a life transition, having relationship issues, seeking a career change, or wanting to further develop themselves personally or professionally, give them the gift of growth with an Illumineering Coaching Gift Certificate! 

ABOUT ILLUMINEERING COACHING 

When we're born, we are whole human beings with tremendous potential. Growing up, we respond to our conditioning by adopting thought and behavior patterns, some of which limit our potential. These patterns follow us into adulthood, and create our stories about ourselves, relationships, personal lives, and careers. Illumineering is a groundbreaking integration of psychology and coaching to help you create a new story—to liberate your potential and achieve the results you want.  

Avoiding Family Holiday Feuds

Avoiding Family Holiday Feuds

Out of all the relationships we have in our lives, the ones we share with family members can be the most challenging. And there’s nothing like holiday stress to trigger the old wounds and unresolved issues that plague so many families.

Sharing close, loving, and supportive relationships is a basic human need, yet many of our family relationships fall short of this ideal. Most families have some level of dysfunction, with each member playing his or her part. Becoming aware of your own family dynamics—and consciously changing behavior patterns that create conflict—will help you avoid the interpersonal “land mines” that are often triggered in the midst of holiday stress. Below are some practical tips to help you make the holidays a time of joyful celebration, instead of fodder for unpleasant family feuds.

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